Returning to School

September 2020

 This month, we asked out writers to reflect on the returning to school in a pandemic - What has changed and what is the same.

Too Far Apart

Emmy Jansen
Class of 2023

There is absolutely nothing normal. Friends who have been separated for six months are seeing each other for the first time, yet they cannot hug. We either sit in class with the professor seemingly a mile away or are watching from our dorms like it is a TV show. Syllabus day has quickly become a laundry list of COVID-19 regulations. You need a reservation to pick up food from the dining hall and if you eat there, it can only be with two other people. When I smile and wave, I have to scrunch up my eyebrows, so people know what emotion I’m trying to express.

But the sun is still shining. When I look around campus, there are very few signs that anything has changed. The trees are the same. The buildings are the same. Mary still stands tall on the mountainside. The stray cats control the parking lots at night. You can hear friends laughing, boys skateboarding, and public safety driving by on rounds. Physically, not much is different.

Mentally, it is a much different environment. The perpetual fear in the back of everyone’s minds is that of being forced off campus and back to the houses we just recently escaped from. Every person you pass on the sidewalk is carrying this tension and stress; it is overwhelming. There is a general sense of the unknown ever present. No one knows what the next two weeks will bring. It is absolutely terrifying. We sit in class wondering if the final exams the professors are including in their syllabi will actually happen. The uncertainty is killing us faster than any virus could. It is the second day of classes and I worry it could be my last.

Aside from the future, there are massive complications in the present. Where is the line between the safety of others and my quality of life? Many people have taken a liberal approach to this line, with parties in the dorms where disease can be easily spread take over. Some are on the opposite end of the spectrum, with strict rules for themselves and anyone they encounter. Freshmen who have never experienced college life want to dive in headfirst while upperclassmen, who know what they lost by being sent away in the Spring, are hesitant to do anything that might repeat the past. Everyone is at a different comfort level. Everyone is processing the virus differently. But we are all scared of something: contracting the virus, being sent home, or living a life not worth living.

But there is something that makes it all worth it: being back on campus. That was the one thing that I wanted more than anything since March and it feels unreal to have it become reality. I am having to learn new skills: how to recognize people I haven’t seen in months by only their eyebrows, how to understand words when I can’t read someone’s lips, and how to do a Zoom class when my roommate is doing hers at the same time only six feet away. Professors are having to pick up new technology on the spot and struggle to stand inside their taped off area of the classroom because they are used to pacing up and down the aisles in heated discussion. Staff involved in sanitation are working longer and harder than ever before. Club and organization leaders have to come up with new ways to reach their members when they aren’t allowed in the same room. Adaptation is the goal of the semester because that is the only way we will be able to succeed. For the first time in our lives, we have to live completely in the moment and not spare a second to think about what could happen next. Because no one knows the future. No one saw the virus coming, no one knows when it will go. For a society that is always moving to the next big thing, we are struggling to stay still and wait. Patience has never been our virtue. All of a sudden, it has become our lifeline.

I am reminded of the history of the Mount. Through two hundred years, the university has experienced a lot. During the Civil War, it was a battleground. It survived the two World Wars. Nestled next to Camp David, the Cold War must’ve brought tension to the campus just as the virus has. A hundred years ago, the school faced the flu of the early twentieth century. It has survived bankruptcy, scandal, and death. Nevertheless, the Mount has persisted. There is something to say about a college that has existed relatively unchanged for more than two hundred years. There aren’t many schools that hold the same record. With Mary looking over us, it’s hard to believe the school could ever disappear completely. She will always get us through. The panic and uncertainty still exist, but maybe we can find some sort of peace in knowing how we have overcome the past.

No one has been spared in the midst of all this. There is not one soul this virus hasn’t touched. This is a collective sort of trauma that we will not completely heal from for a long time. No one has any control over this situation or the greater pandemic. All we can do is wait, which will prove to be one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do.

But it isn’t the waiting that is the saddest part. It isn’t the distance or the dining hall at half capacity. It isn’t even the Zoom classes. It is the fact that when I am sad, no one can hug me. And I cannot hug them. We will cry silently into our face masks and sanitize afterwards. We will hide our sniffling, so no one thinks we have symptoms, when in reality we’re just struggling with the current state of things. And no one can hug us.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay on campus and ensure my semester happens in person as much as it can. But even I have my limits. Even I am wondering if this is a life worth living.

Read other articles by Emmy Jansen

Such are the Good Times

Harry Scherer
Class of 2022

The strangeness of these times is palpable; you’ve probably been told. These times are unprecedented; you’ve probably been told. We’re all just going day by day; you’ve probably been told.

As we begin this new semester and new academic year, I am comforted by the words of St. Augustine: "Bad times, hard times, this is what people keep saying; but let us live well and times shall be good. We are the times: such as we are, such are the times."

I do not see these holy sentiments of hope as out-of-touch words, separated from reality but full of rhetorical strength. On the contrary, the statement finds its strength in its truth. Our lived experience confirms this impulse; when something unfavorable happens to us or to a friend, do we ponder this occurrence or the "times"? One should confirm that the former is the case. This response does not suggest an inordinate selfishness or a self-centered lack of concern for that which occurs around us. Instead, it confirms that the "times" about which we are always so concerned are perpetually formed by our lived experience and that of everyone around us.

Many times, I have a tendency to separate this reality of lived experience from the dark and gloomy reality of the "times", an invisible entity that is constantly prepared to pounce and disintegrate my tranquility. Unfortunately, I would venture to guess that my perception is common among my peers, especially for these times which are so often viewed as "bad" and "hard."

It is with the attitude that "we are the times" that my friends and I begin this junior year. Connected to this attitude is the sincere hope that we are able to complete this semester on campus. A shared anxiety and fear that we will be sent off campus seems to affect all of us, to varying degrees. Many conversations among friends, acquaintances and strangers occur during which a prediction is offered about the nature of our fall semester. It is certainly unfortunate that this concern is so common, especially for the majority of us who are in the position of receiving news instead of delivering it. In addition to the common cares of classes, relationships and family back home, we are mentally affected by the possibility that the spring semester will repeat.

From those to whom I have spoken about the subject, few are concerned about contracting the virus. This lack of concern is expected and seems to be warranted, especially because the virus seems to leave our generation unharmed, with exceptions. At the very least, they are more concerned about the individual and social effect of receiving a positive test result. The primary effect is the relegation to an isolated state for approximately 14 days. For many, a positive test result will mean an assignment to isolation without the psychological comfort of actual symptoms of sickness.

Even with these policies and regulations, the common consensus among those on campus is a general relief to be back in Emmitsburg. The delight of seeing old and new faces, developing and sticking to a rigorous schedule of academics and extracurriculars and having the opportunity to sit and talk with friends is a joy that we were not able to experience for the past five months. Perhaps we would not appreciate these delights so much if they had not been taken from us so rapidly and without any warning.

As my peers and I start to hear of cases and communications with contact tracers, we are all concerned that our full participation in campus life this semester will be hindered. I am sorry for all those for whom this is already the case. We have been repeatedly warned that participation in off-campus events like parties will only harm our ability to continue life as we have slowly become accustomed to on campus. Many students will not be happy with those who decide to leave campus and go to a party; as one of my friends put it, "I’m not having fun at the party and I’m getting sent home!"

This semester, we are all either learning or being taught the necessity of trusting and relying on our peers to achieve a similar end. In other words, we are being reminded of the importance of defending and always keeping our eyes on the common good. This insistence on the common good is not a communistic preoccupation with the collective over the individual, but a solemn recognition that the goals of the individual will be fulfilled most effectively when they are attempted to be accomplished through the lens of the group. This year, we are being told to wear masks, physically distance ourselves from others and limit group activities. While factors like external optics and liability are certainly present and significant, it seems that all of these guidelines have been offered with the goal of staying on campus for the duration of the semester.

Of course, it should be noted that this article was written on the 19th of August. Much could potentially change between the time it was written, the time of publication and the few months between the former and the end of our fall semester. Much can happen that will inevitably affect our relationship with God, each other and the ways in which view ourselves. This possibility for growth is exciting, especially for college students. Sometimes, it seems that the practical consequences of embarking on the journey in search of this potential growth are too much to bear. I see this uncertainty as the time during which sacrifice enters into our individual and collective minds. While very little about this semester will fit into our plans or our desires, "we know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). While this good might not seem evident to our eyes right now, I am of the firm belief that, by the grace of God and by our response to this grace, we shall see the Good in His full glory.

Read other articles by Harry Scherer

Through my monitor

Angela Guiao
Class of 2021

August used to be the most exciting month of the year for me. I was one of those kids who asked for notebooks and new pens for Christmas. I loved the idea of school.

I found a certain happiness from the feeling of new books, and I looked forward every year to choosing a new backpack. My mom thought I was so weird.

But for me, going to school each August was the start of a new adventure. For a good chunk of the first 17 or so years of our lives, we spend most of our day in school. The walls of my classrooms felt like home, and I spent more time sitting at a desk than I did lying in bed at home.

This year, I am not going to experience any of those things. Going to school amidst a pandemic is really quite a unique experience. Especially for me, being a completely remote student.

Mount St. Mary’s University is one of the few colleges in the area that chose to open for on-campus learning. Due to certain circumstances, I am taking all my classes completely online. It was such a strange feeling, logging on for my first Zoom class of the semester. In fact, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "This must be what they meant by the ‘new normal’".

After each class, during the time I’d usually be walking through the halls to my next subject, I instead found myself wandering to my fridge for something to snack on. And this year, I had no need to buy a backpack since I wasn’t going anywhere, so I sort of just sat around, and honestly felt a bit uncomfortable since my back didn’t hurt from carrying a ton of heavy books.

There are a few good things that have come from attending school online, and that mostly has to do with time. I was a commuter when classes were still on campus and spent a good two-plus hours driving to and from school. Now, I find I am able to use that extra time I’ve saved getting homework done or taking a nap.

The cons of being a remote student mainly have to do with loneliness. But I believe that issue stems from the pandemic in general. I spend the entire day sitting in the exact same chair, surrounded by the exact same walls, with absolutely no one to talk to, except of course for the occasional family member. But let’s face it, I’ve spent six or so months with them as my only human interaction, so we don’t have anything more to talk about.

Now with the classes themselves, the experience has been peculiar to say the least. Most students get a least one day where the professor is able to see them in person. And I believe that that in person interaction is Important for a student to be able to create a connection with their professor.

Being that there are students in the classroom each day, and most online students are usually only seen on the computer, there is a clear disadvantage for remote students. Oftentimes, due to habit, professors ask questions, and receive answers from those in the classroom, sometimes forgetting the handful of students hovering on their monitor.

This hasn’t been too much of problem in my own experience however, since many professors take the time to direct questions solely to those attending online. However, it has made participating in class unique, if not slightly more difficult.

Actually attending class online is a completely different experience as well. Since, mainly I am at home, there are certain factors that can affect my day that haven’t been a problem for me before. In fact, on my very second day of class, I’ve had issues with my internet. Since the connection wasn’t strong enough to accommodate video calls, I was unable to attend my classes.

It is issues such as these, those especially concerned with technology, that make me wonder about those without proper access to working electronic devices or Wi-Fi. Ever since the pandemic hit, there has been an increased reliance on technology. I believe there are opportunities for development in options students are given to be able to obtain a proper education.

Students shouldn’t have to be forced to attend on-campus classes because they don’t have the proper resources to take classes online. Since the Mount has so far been so innovative with the adjustments to campus living during a pandemic (evident through their delivery system and hybrid classes), I believe they should provide extra assistance to those off-campus without the proper equipment but who are still interested in learning as much as possible.

Going to school in the middle of a pandemic is not what I thought I’d be doing this August. But I do believe it has opened up our options. While before, remote work and study was available but not as encouraged and accepted, today we are able to choose to work from places other than the office or school.

I believe this will shape the way things are done in the future. As time goes on and more and more people get used to working remotely, I believe it will one day become the new norm. And just as online shopping led to the downfall of shopping malls, I believe remote work will lead to the reduction of office buildings and schools. Though that day is still far into the future.

Today, I am still getting accustomed to this new normal. And, if I am being completely honest, I am not sure whether I like it or not. As with most things, there are pros and cons. And so far, one does not outweigh the other, at least for me. I am excited to see what this semester holds, even if I only witness it through my computer screen.

Hopefully, by next semester, I am able to sit at a desk in one of the classrooms at the AC, with new books and pens tucked inside my brand new backpack.

Read other articles by Angela Guiao

A new beginning

Morgan Rooney
MSMU Class of 2020

For the first time in seventeen years, I will not be starting this fall by going back to school. It is crazy to think about because getting an education is the only thing I have ever known other than part time jobs just to keep me going. My last semester in college was cut short and I was able to join the workforce back home in Texas with my bachelor's degree benefiting me already. Being able to get a job lined up in the midst of a pandemic was super exciting and I’m so grateful that everything worked out how it did.

I remember the moment I got the email that instructed everyone to go home if they were able. I attended the career fair in hopes of making some network connections and getting an idea of what opportunities were out there. I knew in the back of my mind that I may not be returning, and I booked a flight to go back home to Texas the very next day. It didn’t hit me until later that I wouldn’t be seeing the friends that I made in college anymore. There would be no more Wednesday nights spent at the local pub, no more mass in the beautiful chapel on Sundays (which was a big factor in my attendance at the Mount), and no more walking around aimlessly while enjoying all of the beautiful scenery from the entrance of the grotto. As much as I felt like I was ready to graduate and move onto the next chapter of my life, I wish I got to cherish my last weeks on campus and do everything one last time without the fear of illness of future plans being crushed.

It has been great to continue writing in my career, especially in new formats that I have never put too much thought into before. However, looking around me hasn’t done much good in terms of optimism or encouragement. I am grateful that I could start my career in such a comfortable environment, but I’m saddened that I have to put other important aspects of my life on hold due to the pandemic. My heart will ache every day until it comes to an end.

I imagine how strange it must be to return back to campus during this time. Graduation was strange enough. Four different ceremonies were scheduled on weekdays over the span of two weeks. I wasn’t able to attend because there were no weekend dates scheduled and I had to put travel time into consideration all while I’m starting out my career. It would have been great to finally wear my cap and gown (and mask), but this year just hasn’t been ideal in terms of planning.

Even though I’ve finished my education for the time being, I am not blind to how further education has been affecting young adults. I’ve watched my younger sister prepare to move into her very first dorm and start attending college courses with more and more things changing. My family spent a weekend in Arkansas helping her to move all of her things into the small space that she is given. Over half of her courses are being taken online and there are so many limitations in the ways she’s able to celebrate her coming into early adulthood. Socializing is all so much different. Students aren’t allowed as many guests into their rooms. You cannot be without a mask. I have heard of friends who are being offered alternative housing options and others who have made the decision to live off campus because of the need to spread out. Boy are things different from four years ago when I started out. Still, even with all of these circumstances, I miss the excitement of going away to college each year and I am even more encouraging to continue my education in the future.

While this is something that I’m sure so many college students are experiencing as the school year commences, I have also noticed the workplace to be much different than I ever imagined it would be. I pictured spending much more time in the office. I thought that I’d be exploring the area around my office more to find the best places to eat lunch and make new friends and acquaintances. However, so many days are spent at home to protect others around me. This has allowed me to only appreciate the one day each week I’m able to drive twenty minutes to the office and sit at my desk to work at my monitor. I know things will change in the near future, but the eagerness I feel is becoming more prominent as time goes on.

It’s great that our technology is developed enough where we are able to continue to move forward in our education and career. I am grateful that I can work from home and continue to make a living even while the country is so hectic.

To those returning to campus, I wish you the best of luck. It may not be the learning environment that you thrive in the best, but I believe the quality of professors at the Mount is the best part about it. They challenge their students, but with proper communication, they are almost always happy to work with you in order to give you what you need to become successful. Communicating with professors about difficulties you are having always goes a long way. Most of them are there to help you and want you to succeed.

We may not see an end in sight right now, but just like everyone else, I’m eager for things to come to a close. With so many exciting plans and hopes to build myself a bright future, the elimination of this handicap would be a blessing that I never could have planned that I needed. For now, I just do my best with what’s given to me, take each day as it comes, and pray that things get better.

Read other articles by Morgan Rooney

Read Past Editions of Four Years at the Mount