Mary Angel

(11/2019) So many times I have thought about my first article of the year (any year), and I always end up on resolutions, change, or improvement. This year, I decided the year would best be started by helping others. I recently sent a group text and asked a bunch of experienced moms what advice they would give to a new mom. The responses I got ranged from emotional support to practical support and came from young experienced moms to grandmas. There were actually so many great ideas that I followed an obvious division between young kid suggestions and older kid suggestions. The younger child suggestions and quotes are my inspiration for this month’s article (In a future article I will include the advice for parenting older kids).

MS says, "Don’t be so hard on yourself. None of us knew what we were doing when we started. Trust your gut, make a decision, and lean on the Lord to help you on the way." Let’s face the fact that we are all human and we all screw up, so you whether you put the diaper on wrong and it leaked everywhere (my husband was good at this), or you left for vacation and realized (2 ½ hours into the trip) that one of the kids forgot shoes all together, it will be fine.

BW suggests, "Remember to be in the moment and present when your kiddos want to tell you a story or about their day. (Even though you have 10 other things you were trying to do)." Sometime we can lose track of what is important and a story, no matter how silly, from our kids is way more important than the laundry.

RB reminded me to, "Realize that your child is a unique and precious gift, with talents and interests that are his own. Nurture and celebrate this and let go of your own vision. Pray for them every single day. Begin praying for their future spouse the day they are born. (Pray WITH them also)." I have very often had to stop myself and take note of the fact that although my four kids were raised in the same house by the same parents, they are quite different from one another. I also can’t stress enough the power of prayer, for them and with them (don’t knock it till you have tried it).

RB also said, "Laugh and cry and pray and play and work together. Make memories with traditions and special, meaningful moments all the time." Anyone who has read any of my articles in the past knows how much I adore traditions and making memories, not just because my memory isn’t the greatest, but also because I feel those memories are lifelong gifts that we give our kids.

On the subject of discipline, DJ has some great advice, "Always be a united team to your children. Don’t let them play one parent against the other. Always sit down in private to discuss and determine your response to situations and then present the answer to your child. Make sure both parents are on the same page. Do your compromising before bringing the child in. "No" means "No", it doesn’t mean "ask again". Curtail the begging and you will have a much more peaceful life. On the "No" front, sometimes we jump too quickly to the NO, frustrating our children. Do NOT make empty threats. You must be able to follow through with what you say, or your children will learn very quickly that you don’t mean what you say. Discipline begins at 2, not 12. Start when they are little and you won’t have near the problems at 12." This is all great advice and will most definitely cut back on bad behavior in the long run.

When it comes to caring for your child and the day to day things, RD says, "Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong or to change course when the original plan doesn’t work out. The road of parenthood is filled with twists and turns. It’s okay to figure out which feeding/sleeping/schooling/working, etc. situation is best for you and your family. It won’t look exactly like anyone else’s plan. Others will certainly offer you advice and/or criticism. Let it go, and just do what YOU feel is best." I have known moms who obsess over a set schedule and others who fly by the seat of their pants and neither is a better mom than the other. Often times, the child will let you know what works for them from a very young age.

Fundamentally speaking, RB suggests, "When you have a baby, pack more diapers than you think you will need. Always have a change of clothes for them and for you ready. Prepare the night before with clean bottles, outfits, etc. so you don’t start a new day overwhelmed. Do sleep. Vaccinate. Take a break when you need one; it’s okay to ask for help. Take pictures."

From a strategic standpoint, MBG says, "To collect a clean sample of urine from a toddler girl sit her straddling the seat backwards. If a baby takes off their diaper, put it on backwards so they can’t peel off the tabs. After you feed the baby, put it down to sleep, don’t rock to sleep. That way they will learn to fall asleep by themselves. Take the binky (pacifier) away around 9 months at the latest. If you wait too long, they will remember it and it will be harder for them to let go." These are all great suggestions. The first one she gave to me years ago after I told her how many times my girls peed on me while I was trying to collect a sample. What a life saver!

Hopefully something from all of this advice was useful to you. Whether you agree with it all or not I hope you in some way were blessed by the years of experience these wonderful ladies have shared. Enjoy your kiddos and the wonderful memories!

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