Mary Angel

(6/2024) …but are you?

Kids grow up so fast, and as much as we would like it, we can’t slow that process down. They go from diapers to training wheels and baby dolls to dating in the blink of an eye. Some stages we might want to speed up, like the colic stage in my house, but most of them we drag our feet. There is no stage quite like dating for me. So, your child is ready to date, but are you?

For each family the age when a child is permitted to date is different. Many of us will make the joke of "not before your 30th birthday" or "when pigs fly", but those aren’t actually realistic. For us we said high school but found out years later that our oldest daughter had her first "date" in first grade. We found this out when she was joking with her sister in high school and said they had never officially broken up so they must still be dating and then they had a big laugh. I am not sure I would count the first-grade dating as official dating, but it does beg the question of when should they start.

I have several friends that have left it up to their kids. This hasn’t worked out the best for them, as we live in a world of easy access to all things sexual. Commercials, internet pop-ups, even songs on the radio tell our kids that it is just sex, and okay at any age. I am not a prude, but I do believe sex is meant for marriage. I believe that sex is not just a physical act, but an emotional giving away of a little part of your soul. The reason we decided on high school as our minimum dating age is also because once your kids start dating, they will continue to date and continue to push their boundaries. I do not mean this in a defiant way. Think about it, if you try something spicy to eat and it is good and you like the heat, the next time maybe you will try something a little spicier and then even more spicy. Dating can be the same kind of thing, that is where the base analogy came from. Once they make it to first base, after a while they might not think it as big a deal to go to second base, and so on.

Now, I have said our dating age was high school, but once again that doesn’t always mean that is reality. I walked into my son’s room when he was in middle school, and he was in tears texting someone. It turns out he had fallen in love with a girl who had dumped him moments before I walked into his room that day. When I figured out that he had been dumped, even though he was not allowed to date, I asked the name of the girl. He said her name was Emma. For the life of me I couldn’t remember any girls his age named Emma. So of course, I asked her last name, only to be told, "I don’t know", with a confused look on his face. It turns out that he had met the girl on an online kid’s game and never gotten her last name. After looking at the text I noticed she said he didn’t love her and he responded with, "I’d take a bullet for you." I, with out thinking, burst out laughing and told him, "Never take a bullet for anyone until you get their last name." He started laughing as well and we talked about the internet and meeting people on games and safety. It was an odd start to a conversation, but a much needed one.

Then there was our oldest daughter! She has always been our wild child; always pushing the envelope. She fell madly in love when she was in eighth grade. He seemed like the sweetest most innocent boy, and this would be the first date for both of them. So, we broke our rule and said yes to them dating. It was truly a train wreck. He turned out to be manipulative and had many issues too inappropriate for this story, and she developed habits that were unacceptable in our house. It has caused her to develop a savior complex and choose guys who don’t treat her well, but she is going to "help" them. As a mom, I have spent many a night crying over her heartache and pain. She is currently dating someone who has a lot to work on, but so does she. Since she is over eighteen, I have crossed my fingers and said many prayers.

My youngest has no interest in dating, although she is of an age that we would definitely allow it. She has only liked two guys in her life and one of them was at camp and she hasn’t seen him since. Maybe it also has something to do with watching her siblings go through some crazy stuff that has deterred her at the present time. She also says she wants to live with me forever, and I am not sure that is very realistic. Eventually she will meet someone and fall in love and hopefully it will be the one, since she says she is only going to date her husband. That would be pretty amazing, but not necessarily likely.

My kids have run the gambit with dating. From being dumped because they wouldn’t put out to breaking up because they should have just been friends, they have experienced it all. Sometimes it has ended with tears and moping for months, others have ended with a beautiful friendship. Sometimes they have felt they dodged a bullet and the there are times when they have been sure they lost their one true love. Every time they come to me and talk it through, and I can’t tell you how heart breaking and wonderful that is at the same time. It is true what they say, as a mom, you feel every heartbreak your kids go through.

I pray every day that my children will meet someone that makes them happy, that they can walk through life with and will support them through the bad times and rejoice with them through the good times. I am hopeful that will happen sooner than later for them all, but as all parents, I want them to live happy, healthy and fulfilling lives. Afterall, life is a roller coaster, not a merry-go-round. It has ups and downs, with all the excitement, exhilaration, and nausea you would expect (as for me the roller coaster also includes tears). You just have to learn to embrace the excitement and learn to brace yourself through the nausea. Good luck when your kids start to date. You’ll never be ready, but treat it like the roller coaster it is, grab the bar in front of you, scream, when need be, and hold on for dear life!

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