Mary Angel
(2/2024) Recently I was feeling a bit nostalgic. Reminiscing about when the kids were little. As I was looking through an old photo album, actually several, I kept having the grandparents’ voices pop into my head. They used to say the craziest things. I am sure they were all old wife’s tales from their generation (or a little naivety on occasion). Nonetheless they definitely gave my husband and I quite a chuckle in the younger years of raising the kids.
It actually began before we started having children. I remember from a very early time in our marriage my husband’s mom started hinting and then eventually quizzing us about when we were going to give her grandchildren. As much as she pushed my parents said you should wait until you can afford to have kids. My mom mentioned how expensive babies are and that waiting a while would not be a bad idea. Little did I know that they only get more expensive as they grow. Between sports, the grocery bill for feeding a teenager, and car insurance and cell phone bills, she was definitely worried about the wrong stage of development. Don’t even get me started about the ABCs of affording kids, automobiles, birthdays (theirs and friends), college.
Then I got pregnant, and it was open season on advice and old sayings. "You have heartburn, that baby is going to have a full head of hair." "Morning sickness, that means a girl!" You are carrying in the front, it’s a boy" "You are carrying all over, it must be a girl." (vice versa on these last two depending on who I was talking to.)" "The heart rate will tell you what you are having if you really want to know." Although one of these did end up being true, the rest were not. He was not a girl, and he was almost as bald as a cue ball (but the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life). This was actually the time in my life when everyone offered their advice. Whether it was on names, what or what not to eat, or the age-old breast-feeding debate, they would offer their advice while rubbing my belly. It seems when you are pregnant there are no longer rules on personal space.
When my first son, Will, was born, I ended up with nerve damage and one of my legs didn’t work properly for about six months. The night we brought him home from the hospital my husband told the two grandmas that we would be fine and declined their offers to come over and stay with us to help out. Around 2 am when I got up to feed the baby, I fell because of the nerve damage. My husband was at his wits end by morning and contacted both grandmas and arranged a schedule for each of them to stay overnight. Compounding the stress of the nerve damage was the fact that our first baby had colic (spoiler alert, so did the second one).
When he was approximately a year old, he was diagnosed with acid reflux and put on medication, which helped with the colic symptoms a little bit. One day when we were visiting the in-laws, I had forgotten to bring his medication. My father-in-law suggested simply supplementing it with his own reflux medicine. After the shock wore off, and I made it clear to my husband that our baby was never to be left alone with his father, we explained that you can not give a baby adult medication. Not to worry, my mother-in-law said he would never be unsupervised (she meant her husband).
When he was a toddler, we went to visit my parents and have a good old fashioned Sunday family dinner. We all looked forward to those sweet family times. After a delicious meal, some laughs, and a lot of play time for my little one, we loaded onto the car and said our goodbyes. As we put the car into reverse, my mom asked if we were going to put the windows up. We explained that Will loved to have a breeze and listen to all of the noises of nature. She was mortified and explained that riding with the windows down would give a child gas. I had never heard of that and promised to ask the pediatrician. This time, not only did we get a laugh, but the pediatrician cracked up!
My pediatrician took this opportunity to dispel many misconceptions on child rearing. He began by explaining that the reason they call them the "terrible twos" is so you don’t realize that age three can actually be more challenging. There was stern discouragement from rubbing any sort of alcohol on their gums. This one can be dangerous and there are much safer, more effective ways to battle teething. He told us that wearing shoes would not help them walk sooner, nor would an infant walker. Your cat will not steal the air from your baby but should still be supervised around the baby. Thumb sucking will not cause damage to the teeth, unless it continues into elementary school. There are so many things that have simply been proven wrong.
I don’t mean to sound like I am bashing any of the grandparents, as I really do believe it takes a village. My point here is that things change, and science and technology make advances every day. Honestly, child rearing rules change all the time. All four of my kids were born at the same hospital, and with each birth the birthing center had been remodeled, relocated, or changed in some way. EVERYTHING changes! With each child they changed the rules on how to place your child for sleep, belly, back, belly, back…I am not sure what it is now. Rock them to sleep, let them cry it out, you are holding them too much, they are going to grow up insecure if you don’t hold them more. Every part of raising a child is confusing and dynamic.
Although the grandparents’ advice wasn’t always accurate, and sometimes hysterical, their love and support made the good times better and the tough times easier. I hope one day I will be able to give my kids crazy parenting advice and the support I received, but until then I hope I can share their crazy advice and bring a smile to a mom who is having a bad day. We all have them, and we can all use a laugh now and again. When in doubt ask your pediatrician! Just remember not to ride with the windows down and your child will never be gassy!
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