Mary Angel
(7/2025) When you are a parent the name of the game is surprise. Throughout their lives your children are going to do things that surprise you. You surprised your parents and now it is your turn to be surprised. We can only hope there are more good surprises than bad ones. The question is, once you have had four kids and the oldest turns 18 can they still surprise you.
My kids came into this world surprising me. No, I don’t mean I was surprised to discover I was having a baby, but I was surprised to find out if I was having a boy or a girl. With my first I was also surprised to find out I was pregnant. We had trouble getting pregnant and tried one last thing that was suggested, of all things, by a business acquaintance of my husband who was a restaurant owner. These were all amazing surprises.
Move forward a few years and the boys are toddlers. Boys and toddlers don’t always mean good surprises. Whether they are writing with markers on their furniture, running around falling into a coffee table and busting a lip open, or peeing in the neighbor’s yard. When I had daughters who were toddlers the surprises were definitely different. I remember when my oldest daughter was 3 and her brothers said something not so nice to her. I can’t remember what they said, but it wasn’t that bad. She immediately started crying and said they had hurt her feelings. I was shocked and said, "What do you mean, the boys didn’t have feelings this young." She stomped off to her room.
As they got older there were many things that surprised me, but none more than how sneaky they were. They each had their own thing, except maybe my oldest. The girls would sneak snacks and drinks to their room. I remember when my oldest went on a church retreat and we decided to give her a surprise and clean and rearrange her room. We found 21 half-drank bottles of water throughout her room. I was surprised but my husband was completely shocked. My younger daughter went through a period where she would sneak chips or other bagged snacks. What gets me about both of these is they weren’t sneaky enough to discard the evidence. For my younger son it was dating. We did not allow dating until high school, but when my son was in high school, I found out he had "dated" several girls in elementary school through middle school.
In middle school my younger son "dated" a girl he met on an online game. That was not only a surprise but a shock and an eye opener. We sat all of the kids down and discussed the dangers of online activity and at what age we would allow that. This scared me more than anything. I also remember my oldest getting dumped on a first date for not moving quickly enough. This was a blessing and a surprise. I had to explain to him that if a girl would dump him for that, especially on a first date, then she was probably not the right girl for him. Luckily, I was not surprised when he told me he totally agreed.
Through all of these surprises you would think that eventually I could no longer be surprised. I would have agreed until recently. My youngest has just turned 18 and has suddenly become extremely independent. This is the little girl that had to be pried off my leg when she was little. There was a time when my husband and I worried that she might never want to leave the house. Move forward to her graduation and a switch was flipped. She was about to leave to work at a Christian summer camp and she would be gone most of the summer. I couldn’t believe it when she said she was going to apply to work the whole summer. The previous year she cried uncontrollably when I dropped her off to work for 3 weeks. She didn’t want me to leave, and it was heartbreaking!
During this summer camp position, the workers can go home for the weekend. So, I figured she would be home Friday night and leave after church on Sunday. What I didn’t expect was her not calling and sending a text saying she might not be home on her first weekend. I was even more surprised when she popped in to do some laundry on Saturday and left before I got home from an outing I had planned. I am super proud of what she is doing and her independence, but I am also bummed that the little girl who would ask if she could live with me forever couldn’t even wait to say hi to me before she left. Now she is talking about doing the year long internship at the camp and taking a gap year from college. This news shocked me more than anything. If you had asked me last year if she would do the internship I would have laughed right at you.
The other surprise I am dealing with on top of all this is that she is having some health issues and is arguing with me about a doctor’s appointments to figure out what is going on. I messaged her and told her the doctor wants her to have bloodwork done as soon as possible and her response was that she can’t leave camp. So, I made an appointment to have the bloodwork done at 7 am before her graduation party on Saturday morning. When the bloodwork came back looking good, the doctor recommended we go see a cardiologist. Once again, I was surprised as she argued with me that she wasn’t going to leave and let her campers down or her boss. I tried to explain that her having an undiagnosed heart issue would upset everyone way more than her leaving for the doctor’s appointment for a few hours.
I was surprised and dismayed by her entire handling of this health concern. I was also surprised and proud of her responsibility toward her campers. What surprised me the most was how an overly clingy child could turn so quickly into an independent, hard-headed, defiant young adult. I truly had never experienced anything like this. Ultimately, she is an adult, but as a mom I know her health has to be number one!
As parents, the surprises in life are never ending and it can be a challenge to navigate them. Just remember to have patience and take comfort in the fact that the bad surprises are usually offset by the good ones. If all else fails remember you are the parent and simply love them through it!
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