(2/16) Welcome to week one of our series titled "Modern Romance." We will explore God’s eternal principles to guide our relationships and help them endure in these last days. I’m excited to discuss relationships in a biblical context because we often hear about them from a worldly perspective. It’s all around us, but when I read the Word of God, there is one relationship that far exceeds them all. The Scriptures reveal that a close and intimate relationship with us has been God’s intention since the beginning of time.

Listen to what he said in Hosea chapter two: "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord" (Hosea 2:19-20).

And so, we must acknowledge that if this relationship is important to God, it should be of utmost importance to us too because God declared through the prophet Isaiah:

"Your Maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is his name, the holy one of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth" (Isaiah 54:5).

Over the next few weeks, we will explore the Word of God and define Modern Romance and relationships through the lens of Scripture; and the Spirit of God, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever will speak to us in our contemporary culture.

And so, no matter whether you are single, married, or widowed, I believe that the Word of God is going to minister to each of us. The Spirit of God has a timely, powerful, and relevant message for all of us as we discuss Modern Romance because he has spoken through eternity and said:

"I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him" (2 Corinthians 11:2).

Now, I understand that some of you may hesitate to discuss topics such as attraction and desire, but having studied the Word of God, we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it because God created us this way. In other words, God invented sex, and if we don’t talk about it the right way, if we don’t talk about it from a biblical point of view, our children and our church family will continue to be taught by marketing, movies, and social media who have it all wrong.

You see, the Bible tells us, "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (2 Peter 1:3).

Therefore, you and I, as the church of Jesus Christ, need to reclaim the message of God’s plan for sex, desire, and physical attraction. He has given us everything we need for life and godliness, and so I want you to understand that the Bible offers valuable insights on intimacy, relationships, and God’s design for marriage, both in terms of procreation and recreation.

As we dig into the Scriptures, we are going to discover that you can be both sexual and sanctified. So let’s begin today by opening our Bibles to Matthew chapter nineteen and considering what Jesus said in verse five:

"A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matthew 19:5-6).

In other words, Jesus confirms that in the beginning it was God’s idea to bring a man and a woman together. And so, if this is something that God has done, he said, what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Now, unless you’ve been living in a box in the basement, you know that most people are searching for that special someone to share their lives with. However, in the world, many navigate their way through life with reservations and less success than ever in their relationships, due to past hurts and disappointments. While people are still getting married, they often do so later in life and with less success. And so today, we are going to discuss how to be "Whole" because to be truly fulfilled in life, to experience joy, meaning, and satisfaction in life, you need to find that One.

The apostle Paul wrote to the church: "I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him" (2 Corinthians 11:2).

However, in the world today, who that one is, where you can find them, and how you can know when you have found them has become very confusing. I believe this is because many of us learn about Modern Romance from our culture, movies, or social media, instead of consulting the Word of God. Therefore, relationships today are not as they should be, not like they used to be, and in many ways, are much worse than they had ever been. And so, we want to examine relationships and modern Romance from a biblical and godly perspective.

Today, I want to talk about how to become "whole" because to be truly fulfilled in life, you need to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You have to find that One. You must come to Jesus and be complete in Him because until you establish that primary and most crucial relationship, all other relationships will be far less than they were intended to be.

If we consider the text that Jesus referenced in Genesis, it suggests that there wasn’t a lengthy dating period. In fact, it involved a very brief courtship during which Adam slept through most of it. The Bible tells us in Genesis chapter two:

"The Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man" (Genesis 2:21-22).

In other words, God the Father brought the woman to His son, Adam. Traditionally in Israel, the potential groom’s father would ask the girl’s father for permission to marry; both parents would consider the relationship, fostering a sense of community, mentoring, and accountability.

This is very different from what we see in the world today. It’s not uncommon to see a 15-year-old girl getting into a car with a 17-year-old guy who has never met her parents. And so, there is no accountability or oversight, no pre-disclosed destination, no boundaries, supervision, or responsibility, and therefore we have rampant premarital sex happening everywhere.

But the Bible clearly states that in the church: "Among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of impurity… because these are improper for God's holy people" (Ephesians 5:3).

And so, while the world engages in activities similar to marriage without actually being married and then breaking up as if they were practicing for divorce. They continue this cycle, going through multiple partners, living together like they’re married, and breaking up like they are divorcing again and again.

What we see in the world is so far removed from God’s will, and yet it is obvious that their current experiences are not working out. And so, for you and I today, as the Body of Christ, we have a choice in the search to be made "whole." While others take one path, we choose not to follow them, because if we travel the same way, we will arrive at the same destination.

Let me illustrate this using the words of Jesus, I am taking them out of context, but the principle remains the same. He said,

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" (Matthew 7:13-14).

In other words, we want to be among the few, those traveling through the narrow gate, because what is commonly accepted and considered normal today is entirely unacceptable to God.

In this series, we are going to embark on a spiritual journey that differs greatly from what the world offers. This distinction is crucial because we don’t want to do what they are doing, have what they have, or get what they are getting because we know that God has something better for his people.

Having laid the foundation, let’s start by exploring the spiritual aspect of relationships. If you could turn to Matthew chapter twenty-two, let’s examine verse thirty-seven together. In this passage, a Pharisee, a religious teacher of the law, tries to trap Jesus by asking:

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" (Matthew 22:36).

Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-39).

I believe the root cause of many struggling relationships in the world today is that most people don’t love God, and therefore they don’t truly love themselves, as we are created in the image of God. As a result of this self-loathing and lack of self-love, they can’t love their neighbor because they haven’t experienced the love of God themselves.

In fact, I want to share with you a verse that resonates with me as a husband in Ephesians chapter five. Verse twenty-five gives us the command: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25).

In other words, we can’t truly love our wives like that unless we have first received Christ’s love for ourselves because the power and the ability to love like that comes from the Holy Spirit.

Therefore, we keep searching and searching, seeking validation and fulfillment from others because we feel we have nothing to give. This imbalance prevents us from bringing God’s best into our relationships, ultimately blocking the potential for a truly harmonious and fulfilling relationship with another person as God intended.

Do you remember what he said in the beginning? "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18).

And so many people go through life searching for the right person, trying to find fulfillment, pursuing relationships, hobbies, careers, or possessions more than pursuing God himself.

And so, God created a helper for man, not that they would be exclusive, but that together with him they would be "Whole." This principle applies to both those who are married and those who are not, because the pursuit of anything or anyone above God is idolatry. That is a foundational principle from which we all must start and so let’s go to the Scripture. Exodus chapter 34 states:

"Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God" (Exodus 34:14).

In other words, for those of you who are in a relationship, if it is not working, it is likely that you are expecting the other person to meet needs that only God can fulfill.

That’s why that passage from Ephesians chapter five is so powerful because verse twenty-five says:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25).

You see, many people believe that they can have a successful relationship by living according to the Golden Rule and splitting things 50-50. And they quote Jesus,

"In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you" (Matthew 7:12).

But the truth is that God’s standard for marriage is higher; he says to husbands, "Do for your spouse as Jesus has done for you." In other words, Jesus held nothing back, Jesus gave 100%. And so, God’s standard for the most intimate of relationships is to lay down our lives just as Jesus did.

And so, expecting your number two to be your number one will never work out. In fact, remember Exodus chapter 34, where the Bible states:

"Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God" (Exodus 34:14).

In other words, he is jealous of his relationship with you because he wants to be number one in your life. And until he is in that position, neither you nor he will be satisfied.

And I know because that was the story of my life. Maybe some of you can relate, but I was going through life doing things my way until I realized I had reached a low point and things were not working out as I had expected. Spiritually, I was broken and when I came to an understanding of how far I had fallen short of God’s expectations for my life I repented. And I hope and pray that you will too because the moment I changed my affections and my desires and made Him the one, He changed my thinking, filled me with His love, made me complete in him.

Suddenly, supernaturally, having experienced his love I was able to give what he had freely given to me. Everything changed from that moment forward because Jesus became my number one. It really shouldn’t have been such a mystery to me because Jesus said:

"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

Today, maybe you are hardheaded like me, but until you repent and prioritize Him as the number one in your life, you will never experience the satisfaction, fulfillment, or meaning in life that you are looking for.

That is why we are discussing Modern Romance because God desires you to shine brightly as a beacon of godliness, purity and holiness in our culture. And in particular he wants to see our single adults seeking to honor him in all their relationships. And so, my prayer is that each of you would set yourselves apart from the world by living in a distinctly different manner.

I am reminded of David’s statement: "How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word" (Psalm 119:9).

In other words, this verse tells us that purity and righteousness in life can be achieved by living according to the teachings and commandments found in the Bible. Then we can stay on a path that aligns with moral and spiritual principles, avoiding actions and behaviors that lead to impurity and sin. And so, we want to study, understanding, and applying the Scriptures to our daily lives to maintain a pure and righteous walk with God.

And when we find number two, when we get married, we want our union to be built on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ, with Him as the chief cornerstone. We need him to be number one and he must be because He promised:

"In this world, you will have trouble" (John 16:33).

So, when trouble arises in our marriages, we want to be able to come together in unity, knowing that He is our One so that we can grab hands and pray, moving mountains through our faith.

With Jesus leading us, our values will stand distinctly apart from those of the world. Morally, we will hold to a different standard from the world around us and not tolerate any lustful, sinful thoughts, because we know that God looks upon us with jealousy, envisioning our marriages as holy, pure, and filled with passion and intimacy. And we can live this out with Jesus as the glue that holds our relationships together, because the Bible teaches us that he sanctifies every relationship.

In fact, the Bible says it this way in Hebrews chapter thirteen: "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4).

In other words, anything that falls outside fidelity, trustworthiness, loyalty, and faithfulness is an offense to God. Therefore, there must be a clear commitment—not just staying together for the kids—but to glorify God together in our marriages.

I know it will take effort, but with God, all things are possible. His desire is for our homes to be different, for our children to be raised in a unique way so that people look at us and ask, "What do you have that I don’t?" And we would respond, "First of all, it’s all about Jesus, you need to know the One. You need a deep and personal relationship with Jesus."

I know some of you are wondering how to recognize when you've found your number two. I wish I could provide a clear formula for you, but I can’t. What I do know is that, when searching for your number two, the most crucial factor is having Jesus in common above all else. He is the rock upon which your relationship will be built, offering a solid foundation that prepares you to weather life's storms.

Secondly, you need to be attracted to the person. This is just my opinion, but I think about Jacob, Rachel, and Leah. I don’t want to over-spiritualize this, but I truly believe that God will bless you with someone you are genuinely attracted to.

When Jesus is number one in your life, when He is your focus, and suddenly you feel drawn to another person. You discover that you love spending time with them. You must ask yourself: "Can we serve God better together than we could apart?" If the answer is yes, then by all means, put a ring on that finger and serve the Lord together.

As I close this message, I want to pose a question for all of you: "Who is number one in your life?"

I urge you to be brutally honest with yourself. Take a hard look at your checking account, your spending habits, and how you spend your time. Dig deep into your heart this morning.

There have been many instances in my life when Christ's rightful place has been overshadowed by my pursuit of various things. And so, I invite you to join me as we let the Spirit of God dethrone anything that has taken Jesus' place in our lives.

We must get this right because Jesus desires to be our top priority, and if we don’t approach singleness correctly, we will inevitably struggle in marriage. If we fail to get marriage right, we will end up getting divorce right. Therefore, it is essential for us to understand the importance of building healthy relationships during this season.

As I conclude this message, I firmly believe that this is just the beginning of what God will unleash for healthy relationships and modern romance in this place.

Would you join me in prayer as we invite God to take His rightful place in our lives?

Read past sermons by Pastor John Talcott